Hi everyone,
It’s been a month now since I’ve updated you all. It’s been a very busy month, with the move and the holidays, along with a huge workload.
The holidays were something of a setback. No, I didn’t eat anywhere near what I’d been eating before this weight loss journey began, but I still did eat too much. I attended a Christmas party for the Manitoba Deaf Blind Association. It was a wonderful time and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Aside from meeting some new and wonderful people, the food was first rate: delicious meatball,s perogies, stuffed chicken, and the most incredible bread. The Deaf Blind Association is wonderful – it’s tough accepting that I am deafblind, but it’s important.
Christmas Day was a quiet one, spent with the woman I love. We’d originally planned on having someone over whose wife died recently and would otherwise have been alone on Christmas Day, but he was hospitalized and unable to come. My prayers remain with him. So it was just Caroline and me, but we had a wonderful time, and Caroline’s Christmas dinner was wonderful – potatoes and ham.
On New Year’s Eve, my best friend and his family spent the evening with us, and that was super-special. The ladies went to the pool and the men sat around the new (wonderful) apartment, talking about man stuff. Yeah, whatever. We didn’t officially make it until midnight, but I lay in bed and was listening to the radio at midnight.
I am feeling very disheartened about the future. So many uncertainties, so much … unsureness. Yesterday was one of the most depressing days I’ve had in a long time. I’m trying all sorts of things from a Christian perspective: much more Bible study, reading the Bible in one year, more prayer. But still, my mood is on a downward spiral that seems to be increasing in speed. I love our birds. The little guys just make me smile, I’m so grateful for them. But … I don’t know, I just need something major in my life to give me hope. I’d hoped that the next time I wrote to you, I’d be able to say yeah, things are great, I’m feeling so much better now that I’ve cut out or nearly cut out all the food I’ve held dear. Aren’t you supposed to feel that way? That’s what all the health fanatics tell me. But I’d be lying through my teeth if I said that’s how I feel. I have no tangible goal. My goal is a bunch of numbers, and beyond that, a surgery that I desperately want but which seems millions of light years’ distant, not to mention infinitely into the future.
So there you have it. Hopefully the upbeat post I really want to write will happen soon.