Today has just plain stunk.It’s been an expensive day, I had to read a book I really disliked, I’ve been wanting McDonald’s and bagels and toast so badly, and the thought that this whole stupid keto thing isn’t just temporary, but I’ve lost so many of the foods I love for the rest of my life makes me feel incredibly without any kind of hope right now. I absolutey hate this. What’s the point of being healthy if you’re utterly and totally miserable? Yes, I’m going to keep on. As much as I want to break into a huge bag of chips and drown my sorrows in a big bottle of real Coke, I won’t. Right at the moment I can’t say why I’m sticking to this. I won’t see anything noticeable for years, I have nothing to look forward to, the one sport in the world I care about is the one sport that they went and canceled, I can’t even enjoy being a beta tester for my screen reader because the beta messes up my computer at the moment. What is the point?
And the nights are even worse than the days. You lie there at 2 in the morning, daydreaming about the foods you miss, no snacks, no one to talk to (who wants to be woken up at 2 so I can be grumpy?), and you can’t sleep for the pangs of longing. Which of course just makes me even more irritable in the day. At this rate I’ll be the healthiest grump with no friends on the planet.
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Way to go Bruce. Love the way you use your journal to vent. I found it a wonderful release. It doesn’t work for everyone but it seems to work for you. Whatever you need to do, you do it. If you need to write like a demon at 3 a.m. you do that. Bless your heart … one day at a time.
Keep at it, Bruce, even if it does feel like your not going anywhere. Love you, bro!